This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care