That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.