she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
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so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music