So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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