He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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