I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
