I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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