only you would photoshop your dick
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
