i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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