You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
