Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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