I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
