I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
