Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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