So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
