so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
