just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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