The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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