Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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