Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
