my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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