well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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