ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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