i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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