Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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