her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
