Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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