Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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