I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
