Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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