I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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