i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
