i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
