Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
