i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
