Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
