ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
