Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
