the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
