i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
and she was petting her beer can
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
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Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
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Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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