She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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