New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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