Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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