You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
its liver damage thursday
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
