since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
