One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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