Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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