Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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