Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
another moral hangover. fuck.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
