If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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