Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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