mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
