its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
