just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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