so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
They took my balls.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
