I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
