I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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