At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
