We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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