I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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