She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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