Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
