I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
