I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
