no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
