Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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