It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
