I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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