God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
