I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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