you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
