I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
