her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
